I am convinced that none of my acquaintances (and I do not speak to friends ...) if it were in Bologna and stay in a hotel that is only a difference of two ombudsmen from home Me, I would call to tell me. Even if it were a business trip and this friend had not even time for a quick coffee I'm sure Will you advise me to tell me: "Look here haim but I have not time to see you." If only to avoid the bad luck like that by chance we meet. You know? The world is small ... let alone a single street!
Here: for this I am truly convinced.
him no! Is in Bologna, two houses from my house and civic does not show up.
But as always I'm wrong because I expect things. Should I stop, I realize.
The gay lobby in Bologna is like the mafia is everywhere. And I knew in advance of the reservation. And in my head I was convinced that being a few feet away, we will be having to make us a Christmas card.
Believe me I do not want more from him. I am now, after everything that has happened, it would not be with him.
But I repeat my mistake of waiting for things. The last time we met was a few weeks ago for the funeral of his mother. And I wrong to expect that he was still upset by something that had need of comfort. I keep repeating the mistake of waiting to have before the person I knew.
Instead it was with a boy. And even with this knowledge that started in late September but only a few weeks marked by frequent more stable, I was informed through the mail that I receive from my secret informer.
I repeat it ad nauseum, I was wrong to expect that he would call and say, "Look at Bologna but they are accompanied by a person I see and I would like to spend time with him." I was wrong!
But I do not exist for him. Even book a room at the side of my house gli fa venire in mente di chiamarmi.
Per me lui rappresenta molto ed è per questo che continuo ad aspettarmi delle cose da lui. Quando è morta sua madre non ho esitato a prendere un treno all’alba per essere presente al funerale. Probabilmente ho sbagliato anche in quella occasione, forse sono stato fuoriposto. Dovevo probabilmente fargli le condoglianze su facebook, esattamente come lui ha fatto sapere (a me e agli altri mille contatti anonimi) che sarebbe stato a Bologna. Ah già non potevo… mi ha inibito il suo profilo di facebook. Non posso lasciare messaggi e non posso vedere i suoi.
Però poi se ti vede all’aperitivo ti viene a salutare come se gli facesse piacere di vederti. Proprio come si fa negli aperitivi che tanto likes to attend: grin at all, all are called Treasury, all "Good to see you" to 42 teeth, but if you do not live the night you did was fine anyway. But even on that occasion I said to sleep next to your house, because he hopes that you will not ever know. Although I have walked the hand on what to ask: "I guess sleep in Bologna tonight?" I have not had confirmation.
unhealthy My idea was that our history had irretrievably closed, had left us a specific space in one's life.
unhealthy My idea was that whenever the opportunity presented itself, would automatically see us.
But one thing I learned: He avoids the problems. The problems are not resolved (or at least try ...) but avoided. As long as things go well he is in it situations, when things get complicated (they get too "brainy" ... to use his term), then they simply avoided. And I for him for months to avoid a problem. A nuisance that requires effort and energy.
Even our story's went well until there were no problems. Before which, when I commit myself to want to solve, I found a wall in front. Offered him exactly what he hates most. Of this I am done for a reason. And for this reason are also certain that he and I could not do with a friend: io sono irrimediabilmente problematico. Lo ammetto.
Ho sbagliato a pensare di poter sostituire “quello” (che francamente adesso non so più come definire…) con l’amicizia.
Ma in realtà quello che mi aspettavo era quello che avrebbe fatto ogni mio conoscente.
Ma forse io non sono neanche quello.
Siamo destinati a tornare due estranei.
Ma forse a giudicare dalle da tutta la storia di “funky_man”, forse lo siamo sempre stati. Anche quando IO stavo in modo esclusivo con lui. E me ne devo fare una ragione.
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